.. and so Life Goes on..

Received a text message from my sister at I would think, an ungodly hour at 6am on Saturday morning.  Oh well, I was about to get up anyway, but 'ouch', a splitting headache. Must have been because of a late night, watching some reality shows that ended around midnight and later, the nice warm bed failed to induce sleep to my tired mind and body until I thought I'd go insane.

 But prayers kept my sanity "Lord, grant to me the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other. Forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespassed against me, so I can move on with my life" and I added " And keep me safe till morning light, but if should I die before I wake, I pray my Lord my soul to take, and should I live for other days, I pray that God will guide my ways. Through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen". And so, in the light of dawn, I slept like a baby until I was rudely awaken by the beep beep of my mobile phone. My sister's text message sounded urgent  "D.....(our niece) called and she said that aunt.. is very very sick. So thought of visiting her today say 10-nish?" I texted back, 'Ok, wait for me, will drive to your house and go together".

I am indeed blessed that I am surrounded by my loving family, my siblings and our extended families, good friends. But I certainly do not take the closeness for granted. The action of give and take amongst us is always, a sort of some unspoken understanding. But back to my sister's message. My sister and her husband, another sister, my brother and his wife began the half hour journey and arrived at my niece's dilapidated house where my aunt lived. My aunt is my dad's only sister.

A Typical Kadazan Village House

We found our aunt who was in her mid-80s in bed. According to her grandaughter (my niece) she has been bedridden for quite a while and have been asking for us. The last we saw her was about 6 months ago. She was awake and when she saw us, she looked at my sister and asked  "who are you?"  but when she saw me, she said  "oh and you are ....... you 're here," she called me by my kampong nickname and she cried.  "Inai (Kadazan word for aunty), how are you?" I asked. I was shocked at how small, thin and shrivelled she has become, a shadow of what she used to be. In her younger days, I remembered a petite but fair and beautiful lady. The remnants of her beauty was still evident through her sharp nose and well-shaped chin. Her used to be almond shape eyes are now hollowed and dark.  A choke came to my chest and my tears threatened to fall. I fought it and said "Inai, it's ok, now don't cry, we are here" and she cried harder. "Now, now please don't cry".   "But I want to die. Everyone, all my friends has died, but I'm still here."  "Hush, why do you say that. Don't say that. When God says it's time to go, it will come."  we comforted her for not knowing what else to say. "But I don't want to be a burden." she cried.

As the rest talked to her, my sister whispered, oh, it's so sad. If it is possible to choose, I don't want to grow this old and I nodded and sigh and said,  "me too, if it is possible to choose, I would like to die like mum. She died at 67, but that's up to the One above" my sister nodded and added "but that's a bit too young" and I added rather quickly "ok, but older than that".  Gosh, we were talking about death like going shopping. I told her that when I was young, I used to pray, "Lord let me die at age 65". My sister giggled, 'Hey be careful for what you wished for, it might come true.. that's not too far from now, like half a year left?!!" she exaggerated the joke of course and we both giggled but it helped lighten the sombre moments.  "Hey, that was when I was a child, what did I know,  so "palis palis" (Kadazan word equivalent to "touchwood').  We stayed for an hour with my aunt dozing on and off after which we said our goodbye with words of comfort. And so the visit intensified my thoughts of my own mortality, morbid thoughts but a fact of life.  But for as long as the sun rises, life goes on and I will embrace it,  until the good and merciful God says it's time to come Home....

IT'S THAT TIME AGAIN

J to J to J "wish that's my present"

which one is mine?

Well it’s that time again. The year-end is almost here and it is also the time where people are frantically making plans for holidays with the kids. There are also parents who are either busy choosing holiday classes or tuition for the kids to while away during school holidays, while those without kids or kids who have grown and flew from the nests are busy getting their schedules rearrange for visits to their married children or to prepare for visits from their grandchildren. Those who are not so fortunate, like me, who have long exhausted their leave will be contented to just sit and make do with whatever they have and be in their office filling out for those who go on long leave.

Every year at a time like this, we in the office have the tradition where we will have that exchange of gifts session. Everyone would be asked to pick a name from pieces of papers that will be passed around with names written on it and whoever you picked will be your 'advent child' and you have to buy him or her gift. Last year the minimum price for a gift was fixed at RM15.00. This year however, due to the recession blah...blah, it has been fixed to a minimum of RM10.00. However, one may be allowed to go as high as possible depending on the individual’s generosity. You are not supposed to reveal to anyone who your advent child is, so it is safe for you to buy your gift and not be embarrassed when your gift is not liked!

The nicely wrapped gift will be put under the Christmas tree with the recipient’s name. The ladies especially, will take every opportunity to check whether there are any gift under the tree and any addition will be welcomed with 'ohhhs' and 'aahhhs' while trying to guess the giver and also what’s inside, studying the handwriting and all. It is not so much what the gift is, rather it is the suspense of trying to guess what is inside and who their respective ‘Santa’ is. A week or two before Christmas, the distribution of the gifts followed by a simple lunch will normally be held in the office conference room. Gifts distributed will then be opened. Some would shriek with excitement, some overly excited trying to hide their disappointment with the gifts, while at the same time thanking the mystery ‘Santa’ profusely. Some are quite innovative with their gifts which would please the 'advent child' very much.

I feel that gift chosen should be done with sincerity even though one may not like the recipient but the message in gifts exchanged is also a sort of making amends for whatever wrongs or to show love for one another. Of course, the meaning of giving may differ but ultimately, the message is the same i.e. sharing.


Choices of gifts can tell us many things about the person but at the same time can be misinterpreted too. It is also considered bad manners to give used stuff, free gifts or gifts that may cause discomfort to the recipient. Some will prefer to give or to receive a practical gift, but at time like now when money is tight, some I think will prefer not to go overboard. Whatever it is, I think it is important to communicate our thoughts about gifts. So before purchasing the gift, it is worth considering thinking twice about the message you want to send to that person, because at the end of the day, as the saying goes, it is the thought that counts. As for me, the real joy I derive from giving is choosing and shopping for that gift for the person which equals the joy of receiving.

Have a Happy Gift Shopping Day!

Honey...dinner is served..

I remember my sis’ saying ‘I may not be the greatest cook but you will never starve”. And sis, that applies to me too. There’s not much time to do a lot of cooking during weekdays. So normally, after coming home from work in the evening, I would just dig up something from the fridge and toss some onto the wok..and viola!!..stir-fried vegetables. Or in the morning I’ll just put in the beef, carrots, potatoes, big onions and freshly pounded black pepper together with black pepper sauce, some seasonings, dump everything inside the slow cooker or I call it the magic pot if you will, and by evening, everything would have been nicely cooked, meat tender and that, my dear, is the beef stew, Angie’s version, ok not the most original but what the heck. Sometimes it will be just simple dish like the steamed fish which doesn’t take too long to cook or even deep fried prawn with ‘sambal’. Of course the fish or prawn would have already been prepared or marinated much earlier.

my simple home-cooked food..

from top left: stir-fried veg, beef stew (Angie's version  :p ), white rice with raw cucumber 

and egg and add the sambal prawn (ala nasi lemak)

fried rice, deep fried prawn cooked with sambal and steamed fish fillet..

Come weekend when there’s more time, I prefer to spend a bit more time in the kitchen that is if I ‘rajin’....hehehe, otherwise it will be eat out......but there’s nothing like home-cooked food.

The Nunuk Ragang Affair

I've heard and have been curious about Nunuk Ragang for a long time but have yet to visit the place. So when the Unduk Ngadau Committee received an invitation to escort 7 UNK2010 winners to witness the 26th Anniversary of the installation of the Huguan Siou (Paramount Leader of the KadazanDusun people) on the 10th July, I jumped at the idea. Together with the Unduk Ngadau Chairperson, Puan Jornah and one of my best buds, Teri, we became baby sitters to these lovely girls. We were supposed to begin the 3-hr journey at 6am but the make-up sessions for the girls stretched up to 7.30am! We didn't want to be late for the 10am rituals and certainly didn't want to arrive after the Huguan Siou! Talk about a stressful journey, the long and winding road up to Ranau was a challenged for our driver as he was torn between the safety of his 12 passengers or to speed up to reach the destination on time. Coupled with the long and never ending winding road, we also seemed to be forever trailing behind slow moving cars and trucks laden with gas tanks. I won’t even mention the uneven roads ruined by the landslides!

the background - Nunuk Ragang monument. It is inside this building that the rituals are held.

About a 6km from Nunung Ragang, a convoy of luxurious cars zoomed past our van. Hey.. wasn't that the Huguan Siou's procession!? Then we began to really panic.  Our driver drove so fast now and everyone held on tightly to their seats! From afar, I saw the Nunuk Ragang monument which resembled a fort, with holey windows built on a hill. What a strange and surreal looking building..

Huguan Siou,

The Hon. Tan Sri Datuk Seri Panglima Joseph Pairin Kitingan

and Puan Sri 

The Bobohizans 'blessing' the Huguan Siou.

When we arrived, the Huguan Siou and wife were just about to board a special vehicle just 500 metres from the Nunuk Ragang entrance. We cautiously drove past the crowd 'cos we didn't want to draw their attention. So we managed to arrive first and the girls hurriedly arranged their sashes and everyone stood ready to welcome the Huguan Siou and processions.

 The man in armour, a bodyguard of the Huguan Siou supposedly looked like this in the olden days.

This Nunuk Ragang event not only commemorates the Huguan Siou's installation but also serves to commemorate the original settlement of the Kadazandusun community before spreading to other parts of Sabah. This two-day event made up of a series of interesting events lined up such as the Nunuk Ragang Adventure Challenge, cultural performances and open market or tamu.

Nunuk Ragang is derived from two KadazanDusun words – Nunuk and Aragang. Nunuk is the local name for a banyan tree, and Aragang means red. It was said that there was a giant red banyan tree in the original village which provided shelter and food for the inhabitants. According to the legend, the Nunuk Ragang is the name of the village where the Kadazandusun people originated. It is located at the intersection of the left (Liwagu Kogibangan) and right (Liwagu Kawananan) branches of the Liwagu River to the east of Ranau and Tambunan.. The also legend tells us that the first encounter the KadazanDusun had with outsiders was with Chinese adventurers who had settled in the Kinabatangan and Labuk areas. This first encounter was followed by the first marriage of the daughter of a KadazanDusun chief to one of the Chinese heroes, who was rich enough to afford the dowry of 7 huge jars plus copper and silver wares.

The monument built by the KadazanDusun Cultural Association (KDCA) in 2004 is believed to be erected in that original settlement and now KDCA conducts annual pilgrimages to this site, timed to coincide with the installation anniversary of the paramount leader, Huguan Siou, The Hon. Tan Sri Joseph Pairin Kitingan, held usually in the month of July.

SHE IS JUST AWAY...

My late Mom

Today marks the 6th anniversary of my mom's passing away. Memories of that fateful Sunday morning, 26th October 2003 when she left never to return, still felt very raw. My mom at 67, was quite sickly then but still very active and she was the type who never sat still for long. My brother who rushed her to the hospital that morning later told us that she has been attacked by acute asthma and efforts by the doctor to revive her was in vain. It came as a shock to us all and at that moment when I saw her lifeless body in the hospital bed, it hit me that she was gone forever, I suddenly felt lost. I felt I couldn't breath. How do we go on without her? How can she go - no no no ...not our mother. She was supposed to be here for us for a long long time.

There were still so many things we wanted to do for her, still so many things not accomplished. I haven't told her enough that I loved and appreciated all that she had done, had sacrificed for me, for us. We thought that there was still plenty of time. Little did we know that God was to take her home that day.

Till we meet her someday, we will hold on to the memories. Lord God, please grant our mom eternal peace....Meanwhile, I'd just say, she's not gone, she's just away....

But oh God, how  I miss her..

25th ANNIVERSARY OF HUGUAN SIOU'S INSTALLATION

Huguan Siou,

YB Datuk Seri Panglima Joseph Pairin Datuk Kitingan, JP

The 25th Anniversary of Huguan Siou's Installation was celebrated recently at the Hongkod Koisaan KDCA Building. YB Datuk Seri Panglima Joseph Pairin Kitingan was installed as the 2nd Huguan Siou on the 1st July 1984 after the late Dato Donald Stephens (later known as Tun Fuad Stephens), the 1st modern day Huguan Siou of the Kadazans.

The award of this legendary title of Brave Warrior or 'Huguan Siou' is a noble recognition of the character and leadership qualitied of the person so conferred. Nowadays, the term Huguan Siou is known as 'Paramount Leader' and the word "warrior' is no longer used. In the olden days, the Huguan Siou was chosen from the 'warriors' of the tribe, those responsible to assist the village chief in the protection and security of the community. Among the warriors, there would always be one who was braver and therefore leader of the pack and known as 'Huguan Siou'.

(Sources: Adapted from various Publications, KDCA Souvenir Books)

Congratulations to our Huguan Siou and may I record our gratitude and how proud and thankful we are to have a leadership in you. We pray to the Almighty to continue to give you strength, courage, wisdom, good health and happiness. And we look forward to celebrate your Golden Anniversary Installation...

Pics: Courtesy of Nikko San

WHEN THEY LEAVE THE NEST

It seems like only yesterday that my eldest child left home for further studies. We encouraged her leaving then like most parents, proud of her courage that at the age of 18, for the first time, leaving the comfort of home and going to a place unknown. As parents, her leaving was not without the accompaniment of stress and worry. Can she look after herself? I remembered missing her so much, I cried for days and I would go to her room, touch and smell her clothes, slept in her bed. And in those moments, I was glad and thankful that I still had my 2 younger kids at home. Upon completion of her study, she came home but only for a couple of months when she had to leave again for a job away from home. In a way she never really came home except for the occasional short holiday visits.

When my second child’s turn came, the stress was the same but it wasn’t as bad this time as I had already experienced it. Also because he is a boy and a son needed to leave home to be toughened in preparation for life’s journey. And recently, my youngest child has indicated that she too would like to further her studies at the college which is again away from home. It is like dejavu, and it has the same effect as when her sister and brother left home years before. I know I should not let my concerns impede her departure. She should leave in peace and I know that her leaving is for the preparations for life’s lesson for her future. It is hard to watch her striking out on her own journey in life, ‘cos as the youngest, I always feel like she is still my baby.

The day is yet to come but if it does, then in the final few months we have together, I will not nag her about the stupid unwashed dishes, her unkempt room etc etc. ‘cos I know I will miss her dreadfully, even her moodiness, her surliness and her impatience with me sometimes, and I do know that she will miss home too…